


But There Were Four Musketeers

by Sammie_dangerous



Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst, Getting Together, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I will make this a thing god damn it, Itachi is done, M/M, Narrator Nagato, Naruto and Haku are best friends, Naruto is beyond emotional, Sasori and Deidara can't interpret poems, Smut, TRIPLE THREAT, That'll make sense later too, it'll make sense later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-11
Updated: 2018-02-11
Packaged: 2019-03-16 20:06:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13643511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammie_dangerous/pseuds/Sammie_dangerous
Summary: “W- what exactly do you think the note is about?”Because Itachi is very confused. Can’t even contemplate how what they’re talking about is remotely related to the letter in his hand.Deidara rolls his eyes as if Itachi is being unreasonably dense.“Well there are a lot of things in that fucked up little note but overall I see that it’s a death threat.” Deidara turns to Sasori with a wicked smirk. “He can’t kill me if we kill him first, un.”Sasori nods solemnly and the two high-five. Itachi weeps for whatever poor sap hires either of them. He gets that misunderstandings happen, but this was just...He sighs, “Deidara, this is a love sonnet. In other words, this guy is trying to tell you that he has feelings for you. Not threatening your life.”Deidara’s eyes widen and he snatches the poem from Itachi’s hands. “What!?”





	But There Were Four Musketeers

**Author's Note:**

> Me: I’m not going to write any fanfics until I finish my other one.  
> Darm me: But wouldn’t it be cool if Itachi, Deidara, and Sasori were best friends and basically scared the shit out of everyone?  
> Me: ... God damn it.  
> So funnily enough, I came up with this fic idea in my Intro to Humanities class. We were learning about Sonnets and I thought to myself, ‘wouldn't it be funny if someone read a sonnet and completely misinterpreted it?’ Thus was born: this fanfic. It was originally suppose to be just that but then my brain decided to add plot :-|  
> Bare with me, it’s gonna be a bumpy ride.

It was a dreary day filled with grey skies and thunder clouds. An air of despair hung over Konoha High as if knowing what today's agenda would bring for the future. As if knowing that today was the day that gave birth to the Triple Threat. But, ah, I digress. Perhaps it would best to start from the beginning. It was all set in motion by a single love sonnet.

 

_ 3 Years Earlier _

 

“Deidara, would you hurry your slow ass up?” Sasori asked, rolling his eyes while watching his best friend take his sweet time getting his stuff together. 

 

“Just a second, un,” Deidara called back, slightly irritated. He was trying to fit his painting that they did in art class a week ago in his backpack without crushing. He wanted it in tip top shape before he blew it up. Sasori knew that this was important to him, the least he could do was pretend like he cared.

 

As if following his best friend’s thought process, Sasori shook his head, his red hair getting tousled a bit. “You’re gonna blow it up anyway what does it matter that it gets a little ruined before it's destroyed completely?”

 

Deidara gasps, completely appalled that he would have to explain this. “If it isn’t perfect, then it doesn't deserve to become true art!” He huffs, blowing his bangs out of his eye, and carefully yanks the picture out of his bag, resigned to the fact that he would have to carry it. He then turns toward his best friend and beams. “We can go now, un.”

 

“Finally.”

 

Deidara sticks his tongue out at the red head before walking out the classroom. 

 

“Say, what did you do with your painting, un?”

 

Sasori slumps his shoulders before replying to the blonde. “I wasn't satisfied with it so I threw it away. It just wasn't coming out the way that I wanted it to. Definitely not my best work.” 

 

Deidara winces in sympathy, knowing exactly what it was like to be working on a piece of art and get stuck. One thing that he hated about art classes were the deadlines. You couldn't rush perfection nor creativity, they had to know that! 

 

“Maybe you can try again on your own time, yeah.”

 

Sasori frowns to himself, “Maybe.”

 

They make mindless chatter until they reach Sasori’s locker. 

 

“So anyway I told that if she keeps yapping her mouth like that, then I’m gonna blow her up.”

 

Sasori turns the dial on his lock, nodding. “A thought that half the school has had.  If I had half a decent lawyer I’d make her into a puppet myself.”

 

They both share a laugh as Sasori takes books out of his locker. Deidara is about to make a comment about her dirty hair when he suddenly hears his name being called. He turns and sees some guy that’s he’s seen around briefly in the hallways. He thinks his name was Bryn.

 

“Um, Deidara,” the guy says looking down at the floor, biting his lip. “I… I…” He seems to lose train of thought before thrusting a sheet of paper at him, with a manic look in his eyes and calling out, “Please read this!” before taking off.

 

Deidara looks down at the sheet of paper, then looks off in the direction the guy ran off in, brows furrowed.

 

“The fuck was that about?” Sasori questions.

 

“I have no idea, un,” Deidara murmurs.

 

“Maybe that will tell you,” Sasori says, gesturing to the paper in Deidara’s hand.

 

Deidara hums in agreement and opens the note, reading it aloud.

 

_ “O’ how my heart aches _

_ I fear for my sanity, I’m not sure how much more of this I can take _

_ When I first set my sights on you, my heart stopped _

_ In that moment I wished I could stop the clock _

_ Hair more golden than the sun _

_ The secret of your youth is known to none _

_ Jealousy overcomes me for those close to you _

_ I only wish I could bathe in your light too _

_ I could stare at your beautiful eyes forever _

_ We could share our lives together _

_ Perhaps a chance, once in a lifetime _

_ One could not blame me for my passion of crime _

_ Can’t wait to see you again, our times together are so few _

_ Let’s me at dusk where we can start life anew” _

 

When Deidara finishes reading the note he tilts his head to the side. “What the fuck does that mean, un?”

 

Sasori has a similar look on his face. “I’m not sure.” He takes the piece of paper, narrowing his eyes. “Perhaps if we broke it down sentence by sentence, then we’ll have a better understanding of it.”

 

Deidara nods, scanning the contents. “Okay, the first line: “ _ O’ how my heart aches. I fear for my sanity, I’m not sure how much more I can take _ .” Deidara reads over the line a few times before it hits. “Oh, Kami.”

 

Sasori frowns, not liking the look on his best friend’s face. “What?”

 

Deidara shakes his head. “He’s got heart problems.”

 

“What made you think that?”

 

Deidara gestures to the paper. “It says it right there. His heart aches. That can’t be normal, un.”

 

Sasori nods, realization dawning on him. “What about the next line?”

 

Deidara takes a deep breath, having already figured it out. “He’s dying, un. It says it right there, he’s not sure how much more of this he can take. This being his heart problems.”

 

Sasori shakes his head, “Why is he telling this to you?”

 

Deidara throws his arms up, helplessly. “I don’t know, un. Maybe he thinks I know a doctor that can fix him on the low.”

 

And Deidara feels so bad because he doesn't. This poor guy was reaching out for help and Deidara couldn't do a thing. Sasori pats his arm as if knowing what he’s thinking.

 

“Maybe decoding the rest of the message will make things more clear,” Sasori says softly.” 

 

Sasori cannot believe the nerve of this guy dumping his problems on Deidara and expecting him to fix them. If he wanted his heart fixed, then maybe he should talk to someone that could actually get him to a doctor.

 

Deidara nods and continues reading. “ _ When I first set my sights on you my heart stopped. In that moment I wished I could stop the clock.”  _ Deidara thinks about this but can’t figure out how this relates to the guy dying.

 

Sasori snaps his fingers, a sudden epiphany coming to him. “He’s stalking you.”

 

Deidara's eyes widen. “Why would he stalk me, un!?”

 

“Probably trying to get your heart so that he can live.”

 

Deidara gasps, no longer feeling sympathy for this guy. “Do they even do heart transplant?”

 

Sasori shrugs, biting his lip. “Probably, I mean he wouldn’t be trying to get your heart unless they did.”

 

And if this guy thought that he was gonna get Deidara’s heart without a fight, then he was sorely mistaken. Dying or not, he wouldn't let some psycho guilt his best friend into giving his heart away.

 

Deidara tries to collect himself before reading more. He was not expecting to be dealing with this on a Friday afternoon.

 

“ _ Hair more golden than the sun. The secret of your youth is known to none.”  _

 

Sasori's mouth drops open at this kid's straight up rudeness. “He’s calling you annoying.”

 

“What!?” Deidara shrieks.

 

“He compares you to the sun, and what’s more annoying than the sun beaming in your face?”

 

Deidara nods in understanding, his mouth setting in a grim line. He couldn't believe this bullshit.

 

“Not to mentions,” Sasori continues. “That he talks about your youth. Youth equals children and you know what else is annoying?”

 

“Kids,” Deidara finishes. If the guy had wanted to make him feel bad, then mission accomplished. “Sasori,” he starts hesitantly. “Do you think I’m ann-”

 

“Don’t even finish that sentence,” Sasori interrupts. “You’re great,  _ he’s _ the one with the problem.”

 

Deidara nods, uncertain but continues anyway. “ _ Jealousy overcomes me for those close to you. I only wish I could bathe in your light too.”  _ Now that Deidara understands how cruel this guy is, he gets the message immediately. “He wants to kill me, un!”

 

“How do you figure?” Sasori murmurs. He’s fully prepared to kill this freak if he is in fact threatening Deidara's life.

 

“He’s jealous of my friends because they have easy access to me. I let my guard down around you guys. And that line about ‘bathing in my light’ is a metaphor for bathing in my blood. He wants to to be close to me so that it’s easier to slit my throat, un.”

 

Sasori scrunches his nose in disgust. This guy was the most disgusting human being he had ever met. And he once spent three whole hours with Kabuto! 

 

“What else does this asshole have to say?”

 

Deidara sighs, not wanting to continue but reads on. “ _ I could stare at your beautiful eyes forever. We could share our lives together _ .”

 

Sasori frowns, “I’m not sure what that one means.”

 

“Me neither,” Deidara replies after repeating it to himself several times.

 

“Just read on and maybe it’ll make sense.”

 

Deidara agrees and continues. “ _ Perhaps a chance, once in a lifetime. One could not blame me for my passion of crime.” _

 

Sasori scoffs, “He’s basically telling you that you can’t blame him for wanting to kill you. I think we misinterpreted that stalking line. He’s not stalking you for your heart, he’s stalking you to find the perfect chance to kill you. He’s practically bragging about it.”

 

Deidara huffs, “Why me?” he questions looking up. 

 

“Don’t worry, my dad owns a shotgun. He may think that he knows when you’ll be least on your guard to kill you, but he doesn't know that I’ll be there ready to shoot him in his fucking heart. He thinks that it’s causing him problems now? Just wait.”

 

Deidara smiles, happy to have his best friend watching his back in his time of need. Then a thought occurs to him. “But wait, won’t you get arrested for killing him?”

 

“Tch, we’ll just say that it was self defense and if anyone questions it all we have to do is show them this,” Sasori says, waving the paper.

 

Deidara grins, “He won’t know what’s coming for him, un.”

 

Sasori snickers, “Not until it hits him.”

 

Deidara feels a bit more confident in continuing to decipher the message. “ _ Can’t wait to see you again, our times together are so few. Let's meet at dusk where we can start life anew.” _

 

Deidara scrunches his nose up in distaste. “This fucker is telling me that he can’t wait to kill me and start his new life of crime. And he gives away what time he’s gonna do it. Overconfident little shit.”

 

Sasori has had enough of this guy threatening his best friend. He wants nothing more than to crumple the note up and forget about it, but Deidara’s life is on the line and this note is the only thing containing clues that can save his life. Sasori takes a deep breath before putting the message together in his mind.

 

“He’s dying and he feels like the only way to get peace is to kill you because you annoy him. He’s been stalking you for a while now to see what patterns you have and when you are most off guard. Through this he has decided that dusk is the perfect time to go through with his plan. After he kills you he plans to go on the run and live the remainder of his life as a criminal.” Sasori shakes in anger, “Some people.”

 

Deidara’s lips are set in a thin line. “We still haven't figured out the line about my eyes and ‘sharing our lives’ or some shit like that.”

 

“Who cares?” Sasori says. “We know enough. He’s a psycho with a chip on his shoulder.”

 

“It might reveal something important. Another piece to the puzzle.”

 

Sasori takes a deep breath to calm down. He can’t jump the gun, they need all the information they can get. He thinks about the line over and over again but draws a blank. 

 

“I got nothing,” Sasori mutters.

 

“Same,” Deidara admits. “Maybe we could ask someone.”

 

“Like who? This is a sensitive matter. Who knows who else is in on this sickos plan.”

 

“We have to try, un. I don’t wanna die!” 

 

“Okay, okay, let me think. First of all, who would still be at the school and that we know for a fact isn’t working with future Michael Myers?”

 

Deidara ponders this for a moment before perking up, “I know just who to go to, un.”

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

 

Itachi makes his way to his car ten minutes after school ended. He had wanted to go home as soon as the bell rang but one of his teachers needed help grading assignments. He sighs, why him?

 

Just as he’s about to unlock his car he feels his phone buzz. He pulls it out and sees that it’s a message from the group chat. Normally he ignores those but sees that the message is addressed to him. He arches an eyebrow before opening it. 

 

To his surprise it’s Deidara asking if he’s still campus. He replies back yes and Deidara immediately shoots back a text asking him to meet him and Sasori in front of the art room. He replies back okay and makes his way over there. Honesty he just wants to go home and he curses his inability to say no to anyone.

 

On his way to the classroom he ponders what Deidara and Sasori could possibly want. It must be something important if they’re asking him. They’re more acquaintances than friends and only that because they hang out with the same people. Maybe they need help with homework.

 

When Itachi gets there he sees the art duo pacing outside the classroom.

 

“You’re here, un!” Deidara exclaims when he sees him.

 

“Well I did say I would come,” Itachi points out.

 

“Right,” Deidara mutteres. “Right, okay, you’re probably wondering why we called you here.”

 

“It had crossed my mind at one point,” Itachi says, cocking his head to the side.

 

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” Sasori questions. “We don’t know for certain that he’s not working with him.” The statement is obviously directed at Deidara.

 

Deidara bites his lip before shaking his head. “We have to take a chance.” 

 

Itachi gives them a quizzical look, intrigued about what they want from him. From their conversation it sounds dangerous.

 

Deidara steels himself before walking over to Itachi and handing him the note.

 

Sasori speaks up as Itachi scans through the contents. “A person, if you can even call them that, gave that note to Deidara. So far we’ve deciphered almost all of it except for the line talking about Deidara’s eyes and sharing their lives together. We would really appreciate it if you helped us out. It’s important.”

 

Itachi hums, so not life threatening. He can work with love poems too. It’s actually kind of sweet that this guy took the time to write this for Deidara. He feels a small smile form.

 

“So what are we gonna do with the body?”

 

Itachi’s smile freezes. What?

 

“We obviously have to bury it, un. Or make it look like an accident,” Deidara said as an afterthought.

 

Huh?

 

“Before we kill him we should at least get him to confess what he was planning in case this comes back to us. That way we have more proof of his psychoness than just the letter.”

 

Itachi frowns. Now, there is an off chance that Deidara and Sasori are talking a completely different note. That has to be it because there is no way they can be talking about killing someone who’s professing their feelings for Deidara.

 

“Make any progress, Itachi?”

Deidara asks.

 

Itachi purses his lips, “Yeah,” he says slowly.

 

“It’s talking about wanting to see his eyes grow dull and have the image in his head for the rest of his life, isn’t it?” Sasori demands.

 

_ What!?! _

 

Itachi stares at the note that Deidara and Sasori brought then glances at the two, his brows furrowed.

 

“W- what exactly do you think the note is about?”

 

Because Itachi is very confused. Can’t even contemplate how what they’re talking about is remotely related to the letter in his hand.

 

Deidara rolls his eyes as if  _ Itachi _ is being unreasonably dense. 

 

“Well there are a lot of things in that fucked up little note but overall I see that it’s a death threat.” Deidara turns to Sasori with a wicked smirk. “He can’t kill me if we kill him first, un.”

 

Sasori nods solemnly and the two high-five. Itachi weeps for whatever poor sap hires either of them. He gets that misunderstandings happen, but this was just...

 

He sighs, “Deidara, this is a love sonnet. In other words, this guy is trying to tell you that he has feelings for you. Not threatening your life.”

 

Deidara’s eyes widen and he snatches the poem from Itachi’s hands. “What!?” He scans over the words with new eyes before clearing his throat awkwardly. “Sasori, my man, do you think we’re failing Literature because we don’t know how to interpret writing?”

 

“What, no way,” Sasori exclaims, snatching the paper from Deidara to reread it himself. “This guy is just a bad poet. He used phrases that could easily have double meanings and be misunderstood.”

 

Itachi wants to tell them that he could stare at this poem for months and still not make the leaps in logic that they managed to do in one day. “Look guys-” Itachi starts before cutting himself off. He back tracks through their conversation and one important thing sticks out. “You guys are failing Literature!?”

 

“Uh,” Deidara replies. “No?”

 

“Definitely not,” Sasori quickly follows up with.

 

Itachi shakes his head before grabbing their hands and pulling them to his car.

 

“Where are you taking us, un?” Deidara asks, nervously.

 

“To the library,” Itachi replies. “We’re going to study for your next assignment and you’re going to pass it.”

 

Sasori and Deidara share a look of pure torture. 

 

Sasori looks up in betrayal. “Kami-sama, why?”

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

 

“So, what exactly are you working on in Lit. right now?”

 

Deidara pouts to himself, he can’t believe that he let himself get dragged to a library on a Friday night to study. In all honesty, he knows that if he really resists then Itachi will let it go, they’re not exactly friends so he wouldn't go out of his way to help him. However, there’s a small part of him that actually wants to pass the class. So here he is in a stuffy old library Itachi Uchiha sitting in front of him with an expectant look on his face. 

 

It’s Sasori that answers. “Well, right now we’re reading  _ The Catcher in the Rye _ and we’re supposed to write an analysis of the story.”

 

Itachi nods to himself, he remembers reading the story in his spare time in fifth grade. He might need a little refresher but he remembers the story fairly well. He laced his fingers together before places them on the table. ”Alright, tell me what you think the story is about.”

 

This should be easy.

 

Sasori and Deidara nod. “Well…”

 

XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX

 

Itachi walks out of the library two hours later with the biggest headache that’s he’s ever had in his entire life. It took him half an hour to convince Deidara and Sasori that  _ The Catcher in the Rye  _ wasn't about a serial killer going on a joy ride. What made it worse was that at one point their leaps in logic were actually making sense and Itachi had found himself seriously questioning if Holden was a murderer. 

 

When he had finally gotten it through their heads they apparently realized how boring the book actually was and refused to write an essay on it. It took threatening to shave their hair while they were sleeping to get them to at least pick up a pencil. He’s honestly beyond exhausted but if he's being honest a little surprised too. He had actually had a good time.

 

Sure, hearing all the excuses and crazy antics they came up with to try to skirt writing the paper was tiring but had also been hilarious. At one point Deidara tried to fake an illness and Sasori had claimed to suddenly lose the book.

 

He found himself wishing to hang out with them again and not for something regarding school. Itachi never put much thought into it before, but after spending his afternoon studying with them he’s realized how lonely he was. Sure they have a “group” but he doesn't really know them. Nagato, Yahiko, and Konan were really the only ones he talked to outside of school and that was mostly to go to charity events. They had decent conversations but he wasn't exactly calling them over for a sleepover anytime soon. 

 

Deidara and Sasori were less than that, he rarely talked with them. Helping them not fail Lit. was honestly something he would do for anyone. 

 

If he were being honest, the only true friends he had were Kisame and Sasuke and well they couldn't really count because Sasuke was his brother and Kisame was his boyfriend. He guesses he could count Naruto but the kid was three years younger than him. He groaned, this was just pathetic. 

 

It was also his fault too. He knows that he can come off as a bit  unapproachable, and only because he’s learned to present himself that way after dealing with one too many liars and cheats trying to get one over on him. Learned from an early age that if he wanted to survive in this cruel world he would have to play the game.

 

He hid behind the persona of an intelligent, slightly cold hearted bitch. Itachi knew that he was fake and what grated on his nerves was that sometimes he didn’t know who he truly was.

 

Growing up like that is what drew him to Kisame in the first place. To meet someone so determined to be real, to be who they were without caring about how others would view them. It had been refreshing. It also made him jealous. He wished he didn’t care. It would be so much easier. Rarely did he do anything for himself, always trying to please others and yet keep them at bay at the same time.

 

He sighs, perhaps he would try to befriend Deidara and Sasori. The worst they could do was reject completely and shatter all his self confidence. On second thought, maybe just the occasional hangout.

 

With that in mind, Itachi made his way home at last.  _ Who knows _ , he mused to himself, unlocking his car,  _ They might actually like him _ .

 

Thunder crackled in the

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, you read that right. KisaIta is already an established relationship. You’ll get more detail about it in the next chapter. Not to mention the introduction of Nagato and Hidan. Comments and Kudos are welcomed here! If you see any mistakes please let me know so that I can fix them. See you next week :-D


End file.
